Suicide
Note
To Boddah pronounced
"Speaking from the tongue of an experienced
simpleton who obviously would rather
be an
emasculated, infantile complainee.
This note should be pretty easy to understand.
All
the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses
over
the years. Since my first
introduction to the, shall we say,
ethics involved
with independence and the embracement
of your
community has proven to be
very true. I haven't felt the exitement
of listening to
as well as creating music along with reading
and
writing for too many years
now. I feel guilty beyond words
about these things.
For example when we're backstage and the
lights
go out and the manic roar
of the crowd begins it doesn't affect
the way in
which it did for Freddy Mercury who seemed
to
love and relish in the love and
adoration from the crowd. Which is something
I
totally admire and envy. The fact is I
can't fool you.
Any one of you. It simply
isn't fair to you or me. The worst
crime I can think
of would be to rip people off by
faking it and
pretending as if I'm having 100
% fun. Sometimes I feel as if I
should have a punch
in time clock before I walk out
on stage. I've tried
everything within my
power to appreciate it, and I do.
God, believe me I
do but it's not enough.
I appreciate the fact that I and we have
affected and
entertained a lot of people. I must
be one of one of
those narcissists who
only appreciate things when they're
gone. I'm too
sensitive. I need to be slightly numb
in order to
regain the enthusiasm I once
had as a child. On our last three
tours I've had a
much better appreciation for all
the people I've
known personally and as fans
of our music, but I still can't get over
the
frustration, the guilt and empathy I have
for
everyone. There's good in all of us and
I
think I simply love people too much.
So much that it
makes me feel too fucking sad. The
sad little,
sensitive, unappreciative,
pisces Jesus man! Why don't you
just enjoy it? I
don't know. I have a goddess of a wife
who sweats
ambition and empathy
and a daughter who reminds me too much
of what I
used to be.
Full of love and joy kissing every person
she meets
because everyone is good and will do her
no harm.
And that terrifies me to
the point to where I can barely function.
I can't
stand the thought of Frances becoming
the
miserable self-destructive, death
rocker that I've become. I have it good,
very good,
and I'm grateful, but since the age of
seven I've
become hateful towards all
humans in general. Only because it seems
so easy
for people to get along, and have
empathy.
Empathy! Only because I love
and feel for people too much I guess.
Thank you all
from the pit of my burning nauseous
stomach for
your letters and concern
during the past years. I'm too much of
an erratic,
moody baby! I don't have the passion anymore
and
so remember, its better to
burn out than to fade away. peace, love,
empathy.
Kurt Cobain
Frances and Courtney, I'll be
at your alter.
Please keep going Courtney
For Frances
For her life which will be so much
happier without
me. I Love you. I love you!"
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